For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare, a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. “My name is Andy Bernard and I am a cuckold. Anger management, technically, but still, management material.” – Andy Bernard “Michael had a little chat with corporate and they decided to send me to management training. And if you don’t want to eat them? Your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend.” – Andy Bernard “Life gives you lemons and you’ve just gotta eat them, rinds and all. Every success I’ve ever had in my job or with the lady folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.” – Andy Bernard ‘In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. “I’ve always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. Once it starts, is a vicious circle.” – Andy ‘Nard Dog’ Bernard I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter that makes stairs.” – Andy Bernard How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. “I’ll be the number 2 guy here in Scranton in six weeks. and I wrote my own companion piece to the ‘Vagina Monologues’ called the ‘Penis Apologies’, so I know a thing or two.” – Andy Bernard I took a crap load of women’s studies courses at Cornell. “I think if he was sexist, I’d be able to tell. RELATED: 26 Comical Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office

You think it comes from Dwight Schrute?” – Andy Bernard I don’t know where it comes from, though. Like when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you Schruted it. It’s just this thing people say around your office all the time. “I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Why? Because I have something no one else has, my brain, which I use to my advantage when advantageous.” – Andy Bernard

It’s actually not funny at all, it’s incredibly painful.” – Andy Bernard “Hit about twelve-hundred balls last night in preparation for today, so hands are a little tender. Well, guess what? I’m not falling in a chocolate river.” – Andy Bernard It’s like we’re touring Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. “Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding.” – Andy ‘ Nard Dog’ Bernard I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it? I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a cappella group ‘Here Comes Treble’.” – Andy Bernard “Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know, cut your throat to get ahead type of guy, but, I mean, I’m not threatened by him. Turns out, Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount.” – Andy Bernard “As soon as I heard she wasn’t coming back to Scranton, I jumped straight in my car and drove straight down till I hit the ocean. He wins them, or he quits them because they’re unfair.” – Andy Bernard

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